It’s the most wonderful time of the year…but it can also be the most stressful.
The Holidays can be especially tricky when you’re trying to heal your relationship with food and your body because we often see family members who, despite their best intentions, may make comments about the food we eat or the way our bodies appear, encourage us to eat more or finish our plates, or make remarks when we want a second helping.
Relatives might comment on how their body or your body has changed since the last time they saw you and friends might be eager to talk about a new diet they’ve been on “in preparation” for the holidays or to start in the new year.
Regardless, comments from family and friends can be triggering, especially if you have a history of an eating disorder or disordered eating.
In light of this, we’d like to share with you some advice for setting boundaries, making choices that respect your health, and avoiding the diet mayhem:
Set Boundaries
If you’re going to a holiday gathering, it can be helpful to set some boundaries around food and body talk beforehand. You have every right to inform your family that you are working on your relationship with food and your body and that hearing negative body talk or diet comments is really unhelpful for you. The truth is these boundaries will actually benefit everyone, not just you!
Here are some subjects that you can tell them are off-limits:
- Diet talk
- Negative body image talk
- Food, including comments on how much someone is or is not eating and food labeling (“This cookie is so bad for me.”, “I heard that a gluten sensitivity is made up!” )
- Comments on anyone’s body
Change the Subject
When someone brings up diet or body comments, redirecting the conversation by changing the subject can help. This can open up the discussion to new (and better) things to talk about. Let’s look at this scenario for example:
Your aunt says to you: “I’m going to be starting a new diet in the new year…you should diet with me!”
You reply: “Oh, speaking of January, my friend and I are taking pottery classes in the new year. What stuff do you think I should make?”
Excuse Yourself
Sometimes the best thing to do is to excuse yourself and walk away from a difficult conversation, and that’s OK. If you need to, take a step back, find a quiet place, and take a breather. Excuse yourself for as much time as needed. Know that there is nothing wrong with removing yourself from a situation that you feel is not helpful for your mental health.
Reminder: The comments people make about you is a reflection of THEM, not you.
If a family member keeps commenting on your body and the food you eat, this could be them projecting. That family member may be struggling with their own body image issues and might be very insecure. So chances are, it’s about them. Not to mention, we live in a society that praises thinness and fad diets so unfortunately a lot of people define their worth based on their weight.
Common remarks & potential responses:
Question: “Are you sure you should be eating that? I thought you wanted to lose weight?”
Answer: “Thank you for your concern, but that is for me and my doctor/dietitian to talk about.”
Question: “You’re having ANOTHER slice?”
Answer: “Yeah, it’s delicious! Should I grab you one too?”
Question: “You’re too skinny; you should eat more.”
Answer: “I’m happy with what’s on my plate right now — all the food looks great! I’ll get more food if I feel hungry later.”‘
Question: “Have you heard of the Keto diet? I think that could really help you lose weight.”
Answer: “You know, I used to diet, but I realized that it only led to food obsession. I’m trying to eat more mindfully and learn what foods make me feel good and work for my life. This journey has actually made me feel much better.”
I hope these tips are helpful for you this holiday season and if you need some extra support, feel free to apply to work with me here.
Happy Holidays!
Jenny
